Owned by Lord Viscount Rothermere, The Retro is the UK's largest free newssheet in the country. Ours is a newspaper found in every nook and cranny of a drunken night bus. The 1st Viscount Rothermere was a Nazi, but we won't tell you this in this paper so it's anyone's guess if we still believe this crap! Acting as an absorber for every vomit spew from some over-zealous louts, it is not for the likes of you or I to criticise the columnists within. The only thing that is of any good in the whole newspaper is the cartoons and comics from a venerable Guy!

You'll find us in the oddest of places including under a homeless person trying to bed down for the night. We'll never say anything nice about these people though as this would go against our moral compass, that is until the same conditions affect one of our own.

Did you hear what happened in I'm a Celebrity? Oh my god, they're so gross and dumb. Why do they still make that show? If you're still reading and wanting to know what they did, you're wasting your time. We're not here for anything other than clickbait!